Two quotes. One with a story behind it.

The first quote comes from (quite possibly) the most hilarious television show ever created: Arrested Development. I retell this conversation so often that it becomes irksome to a few individuals, i think.

"What's her first name?..quickly"
"Crindy!"
"Her names not Crindy, Job"
"Ah, Saul Zentsmen!... nope that's her lawyer. Well she's got a name and I'm gonna find out what it is and make a pun on it and that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name is Amy i will call her "Blamey."
-Job and Michael

Quote number two is found at the end of this story.

I decided today to go to the library to read (supposedly) and found myself bored. I again plowed through the dense and dark chapters of Crime and Punishment. As I neared the end of chapter seven, my eyes were weary and my heart heavy. Then my tired eyes rested on a book several rows away. It was not the actual book that peaked my interest, for it was a three million page book describing the life of Mr. Clinton, but a word. This word was "Bill."

It reminded me of a book I have previously mentioned called "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid" by Billy Bryson. I had a yearning to read it. Zounds! By sheer luck, I was in a room filled with all manner of books. It might be here!

"Crime and Punishment" lay abandoned in a dark corner of my chair as I leaped up to find the novel. And, after a frantic twenty seconds of searching, I found it. Then I read it. Reading a funny book in a place where you are supposed to be quiet is a recipe for disaster. Laughing, chuckling, spluttering disaster.

Everything is fifty times more hilarious when you are trying not to make any noise. It is sort of like when you open a shaken soda bottle. No matter how hard you try, fizz goes everywhere and makes your hands sticky. In this case, there was a man (roughly 109 years old) sitting across from me. He disliked smiling and even less laughing. So of course, I had to. One particular line in Bill's book tickled my fancy. (<--- The weirdest phrase I know)

"I once took part in an ice hockey game at the lagoon in Greenwood Park that involved four thousand kids, all slashing away violently with sticks, and went on for at least three-quarters of an hour before anyone realized that we didn't have a puck."

I laughed so hard that I had to leave the library. If I hadn't, the old man would have stared hole through my forehead.

Giving Up The Gun- Vampire Weekend (Oh January 12 come quickly)